yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
