you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
