Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
