the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
