My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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