YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
