loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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