She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
