a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Send help, water and tortillas.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
