i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
