trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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