Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize