3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
