I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
