Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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