My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
