My room smells like vodka and shame
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
