It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Vodka?
Forever.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
