I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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