I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
