real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
