K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
