I love black thongs
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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