Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
