He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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