the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize