I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
