just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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