Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I got inside last night via doggy door
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
