Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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