she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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