I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
