I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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