Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
