i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
