I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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