I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
