I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
