wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
