3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
