God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
