Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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