My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
soo... how was my night?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
