Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
