I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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