No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
