I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
ok first of all what the fuck
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize