The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
