Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
