Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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