you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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