i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize