you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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