I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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