I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
