I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
