And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
