oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
