And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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