I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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