So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Randomize
