How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
