the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
