Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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