We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
