I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize