True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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