Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
