A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
