so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
