i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
