Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
