i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
