who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
