My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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