the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
