I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
