I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So vagazzling was a success
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