so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
