we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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