don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
