call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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