My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
